Monday, February 14, 2011

I'm a that explains a lot (the worst valentines day ever)

Whenever I do something incredibly stupid I usually blame my Y chromosome.

why you ask?

Because it's easier than to say..."I'm really sorry that I

a) forgot _______.
b) said ________.
c) did ________.
d) didn't _______.
e) lied about _______.

You know what, I could come up with enough of those for the entire alphabet. So you can see why, when my wife gives me that look that says "You're an idiot" I just throw my hands up and cry "Y Chromosome!" Granted this doesn't make anything better, but it makes me feel better.

Unfortunately I couldn't use that in the year 2001. The year of the worst valentines ever.

February 14th, 2001. Mollie and I had been dating for 1 month. We were talking as the holiday came closer. We learned that this would be the first time that either of us had a significant other for Valentines Day. This is where things started to go wrong.

Growing up, I always hated February 14th. Everyone had a girlfriend and they could hold hands and cuddle among other things. They would bring flowers and teddy bears and balloons in order to impress their girlfriends. The girls would bring something for the guys, maybe candy, maybe a teddy bear, maybe a collage of all the fun times that they had together. (what's the deal with girls and collages? I'm pretty sure that's not included on the Y chromosome) I hated it. I would sit there while everyone was opening their gifts and hugging at the lunch table.  Even the cafeteria ladies would get in on it by cutting the pizza into little heart pieces....(ok so that's not true but it felt like the lunch ladies were in on it. )

So I swore an oath to myself.  When I got a girlfriend, I was going to respect all of my single friends and not rub it in that I had a girlfriend on Valentines Day. I was just going to keep a low profile on Feb 14th. We weren't going to have all of the candy and gifts. We were just going to enjoy each others company.

Stop shaking your head at me. I know you are. I was young and dumb....(Y chromosome)

On the other side of things was Mollie. She had watched all of her friends in high school get flowers and gifts on Valentines Day. Every year she waited for the day when she could be dating a guy and go through the fun of getting flowers or notes. She waited patiently for the day that she could make a collage of pictures for her man.. (I know, I still don't get it)

Which brings us to Valentines Day 2001. Our first Valentines day ever.

Here's what I said....

"I was thinking that I don't want to alienate all of my single friends. Let's just skip everything for Valentines Day this year. I hate it when other people rubbed it in my face. I don't want to do that to other people.

This was her quiet response,


So that's what we did. We sat in Cascades Cafe in the Student Union at ASU. We had bagels and cereal.

No Flowers.
No Gifts.

(seriously, stop shaking your head at me)

It gets worse. A few rooms away from us, a group of our friends were having dinner. Not just any dinner. The guys had prepared a nice Italian dinner for their girlfriends. They were all dressed up and serving the girls dinner.

Molls and I stopped in to say hello. I can't really imagine what Molls was thinking at that moment. I mean these guys were serving their girlfriends a nice dinner. I hadn't even offered to spread her cream cheese.

It was a few months later that I found out that Mollie's dream was to have a romantic Valentines Day.  Thinking back to that day makes me shudder. I was so preoccupied with not upsetting others, that I ended up upsetting the one who would eventually become my wife. In fact, I think that this date was proof that God was behind our relationship. Most girls would have kicked me to the curb but she stuck with me.

Don't worry ladies. I made up for it the next year. I took Mollie to a restaurant that served the best steak we've ever had and paid $75 out of the $90 that I had to my name. After all, she was worth it.

These days, Molls and I are pretty low key about Valentines Day. We prefer to show crazy amounts of love to each other on random days instead. (hello Bruster's ice cream last night!) What about you?

What was the worst Valentines Day story from your life? 
Drop a comment below!


  1. I was shaking my head at you. But you learned eventually... :)

  2. If you want to make your life a tad easier, instead of screaming "Y CHROMOSOME!!" at your wife, you can just do what my friend an I do. We have a secret code that means "guys are idiots" and the code goes as followed: hold up two fingers like a peace sign. It looks like a "Y", no? there you have it. Y chromosome (: