Friday, February 4, 2011

An Assault on Wintry Mix.

This year has proven to be kind of crazy when it comes to weather. It's been cold and snowy almost everywhere. In fact at one point in time there was snow on the ground in every single state except Florida. (and you wonder why older people move there) But it's not just that it has snowed. It's that it has snowed FEET.  There are places in the Northeast that have gotten over 100 inches of snow and we're HALFWAY through the season.  It's also been ridiculously cold. If I wanted to live somewhere that the temperature was often in the teens, I would have moved to Canada a long time ago. I blame Global Warming.

But that's not what this post is about. Nope. It was just an incredibly long intro paragraph written to make you start shivering from thinking about all of this cold weather. No. This post is about something in winter time that is completely deceptive.

I'm talking about Wintry Mix.

No one likes Wintry Mix. Normally I would say things like that because it would be mean, but let's be honest here. NO ONE likes Wintry Mix.  Why not, you ask?  Because the term Wintry Mix can be roughly translated as "Crappy Weather"

I think that's my problem with Wintry Mix. The name. When I hear the term Wintry Mix I always think of happy things. Things like:

1. Snow Cones- Snow is very wintry. And the best snow cones are the ones where you mix all of the flavors together. I think that we should rename this delectable treat the "Wintry Mix". Kids everywhere will run to concession stands across the country begging for Wintry Mix.

2.An Ipod Playlist - When the first sign of cooler weather comes, my wife insists on turning on "winter" music. This involves some Christmas music but there are also types of music on there. Generally it involves music that makes you want to cuddle up with some hot cocoa.  The Wintry Mix playlist is very popular between November and March.

3. A Type of Trail Mix -  No one can resist trail mix. Every year I talk about how I hate it but then I start eating and end up eating an entire bag. Wintry Mix is trail mix but it has Wintry items in it. Items like; red and green M&M's, Peppermint Bark, and that chex mix that is covered in powered sugar so that it looks like snow..  Seriously, it's scrumptulescent.

But there again is the problem with the real Wintry Mix. When I hear that there is going to be Wintry Mix outside I jump up and run outside  with my mouth open. Instead of Chex mix goodness, I get pelted in the face with ice pellets.

Even the weather radar is misleading. Every winter storm that comes through your town you become glued to the tv. Where is it going to go? Who will get the most snow??

You watch the radar and you see 3 colors. White, Green, and Pink. White is for snow. Green is for rain. Wintry mix is Pink.....really?  Pink??  Pink is such a festive color! Why should we use it to show the crappiest of all winter weather?

Pink should be reserved for the day we find a way to cure 100% of breast cancer. Then we can use pink for everything. I think that Wintry Mix should have be black on radar maps because that's the color the ice will be when you are driving over it the next day.

We should also rename it from Wintry Mix. Here are a few ideas for new names.

1. Wintry Crap - I'm not sure if you can say crap on tv. My mom never liked me saying crap at home either so this might not be the best idea. Although it would be the most accurate.

2. Winter's Hail - Technically it's not hail, but seriously how many names do we need for ice that falls from the sky? Plus hail is close to another word which adequately describes how your drive to work is going to be the next day.

3. Mother Nature's Revenge - "Hey man, you want to go to the mall today?" "Nah dude, I heard we are about to get a bad day of MNR! I'm headed home!" You see that works well. It is negative and communicates that you don't want to stand outside with your mouth open.

So my question to you is this:


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