Friday, December 10, 2010

Tis the Season pt 2 - More of the Worst Christmas Songs Ever.

Ok, so these posts are never as popular as the original. In fact, the first post in the Tis The Season series was the most popular post on this blog...ever

But the fact is that after last Friday, almost every conversation I had included the phrase..."you know what other song is terrible??"  So I thought I would include some more of the worst Christmas songs ever.

1. Baby It's Cold Outside- Now I hate that this song made the list because I love it. In fact whenever I hear it I think of the movie "Elf" which is hilarious.  But the truth of the matter is that this song is just a guys attempt to get a girl to spend the night. She's all like, " I gotta go, my mom and dad are gonna be freaking out." Does he care? No. His response, "It's cold outside." I mean really, I have heard some lame lines from guys but, "it's cold outside?" I mean how cold does it have to be to keep her from going home? this isn't Antarctica. And her car should have anti-freeze. Of course she probably can't drive because he's already spiked her drink in the song....So help me I'm already talking Kate through this one....but I digress.

2. All I want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth-  I was at a restaurant the other day and the original version of this song came on. You know it's sung by a little boy (or by some 43 year old guy named Carl who can make little kid voices.) ...And he whistles every time he says Merry Christmas. It was the most annoying thing I've ever heard. I've never wanted to punch a little kid in the face so badly. Can I say that? I think that might be in the pastor handbook somewhere. Anyways, that song is terrible....I bet he got his teeth knocked out in the first place.

3. Little Saint Nick-  I love the beach boys. My first two tapes (remember tapes?) were the Beach Boys. Before that we owned the records (Remember records?...for my students, records existed before 8 track.....which existed before....nevermind) It would otherwise be an ok song....except for one line. "Christmas Comes this Time Each Year"  What??? Christmas comes this time each year? What is the purpose of that line? Were people forgetting? Were people saying, "Hey it's the winter solstice time, something else happens this time of year, yet I can't remember what it is....OH IT'S CHRISTMAS! Thanks Beach Boys!

4. Dominic The Italian Christmas Donkey -  Never heard of this song? Yeah I hadn't either. It's only been around roughly 50 years.  Apparently in Italy, Santa uses a donkey to pull his sled instead of reign deer. I'm not trying to be mean, but this song sounds like something someone would write when they are with a group of friend and under the influence of.....certain substances. On the lighter side, a friend of mine's sister heard the song on the radio and thought it said "it's time to kiss the donkey". That would make for an interesting tradition.

5. Blue Christmas by Porky Pig - Call me Captain Sensitive but I don't like laughing at people with speech impediments.  When someone suggested this song I looked it up on Youtube. While poor Porky Pig (say that 5 times fast) was singing there was someone laughing in the background. I mean really, can't you have some decency? First off this poor Pig is butchering a classic song and you're laughing at his stutter! Don't be surprised if we find you on Karaoke Night and laugh at your rendition of Tiffany's "I Think We're Alone Now"...

6. Feels Like Christmas - Cyndi Lauper - I had never heard of this song either. (mostly because I blocked out the 80's.) So I checked it out on Youtube and found a live version from a talk show performance. I can safely say the only words I understood where "feels like Christmas". For all I know, the rest of the song consist of Cyndi singing the recipe for making fruit cake. No one knows.

Honorable Mention -
  Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney - horrible display of 80's synthesizers and repetition.
  I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas - I want a group of songs that don't ask for random stuff.

Well that's that. I realized afterward that I was a bit more cynical and mean in this version. It's probably because I spent half the night with my hand down a garbage disposal, but that's another story.

Join us next week when we take a look at the Elf on The Shelf.


1 comment:

  1. This made me laugh until my eyes teared up. I forgot how funny you are. :)