Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Road Rage

I'm a pretty peaceful person. I try to steer clear of getting overly angry at people. But sometimes there are things that set me off. You can ask my wife, she'll agree. (followed by an eye roll and a head shake) Yesterday something set me off.

My oil light came on.  But that's not what set me off.  Some people might say that once the oil light comes on it's already too late. That's why the first place I went yesterday was too get my oil changed. I was on a short time limit because I had a meeting at which I had to be So I tried to bust it over to the oil change place.

Of course there were two things going against me.

1. My car was smoking and quickly becoming the smelliest car on the road.

2. I was in a hurry.

You can probably guess what happened next.....Construction. Why is it that when you are in a hurry there is ALWAYS construction?

This construction was taking place in the middle of the road so it forced us to merge into the right lane. Now anyone who has ever driven knows what I'm talking about. The merge causes you to do this awkward dance with other cars in order to get in line.

When merging there are a few types of people. They are:

The Quick Merger - This motorist is logical. They see a line of cars and think, "hmm there must be something happening ahead, I better get over now to save trouble later." The Quick Merger changes lane when it's first available. He usually has ample space because everyone is still ok with the situation. The Quick Merger is going to get taken advantage of.

The Non-Observant Merger - This is the person who isn't really paying attention enough to realize that there is no one in his lane but 140 cars in the lane next to him. When he realizes it he slows down and tries to get over as soon as possible, hoping that someone will let him in. This guy frustrates the quick merger. I mean really, he should have been paying attention. Instead he was texting/picking his nose/singing Abba and missed the fact that he was the only car moving. The N-O Merger elevates your blood pressure slightly.

The Last Second Merger- a.k.a - JERKFACE....The LSM is known as Jerkface because that's what he's called whenever he shows up. Honestly he's called much worse but this is a PG blog so we'll settle with jerkface. This is the driver who intentionally drives as far as possible before merging. He flies by all of the other smart mergers in an attempt to get to the front. If it were elementary school, he'd be the kid who jumps in the lunch line. I hated that kid. Everyone else hates the LSM. All of the other drivers try to
hug the bumper of the car in front of them so that the LSM can't get in. Instead this person goes to the front of a line and forces his car in front of someone else.  The LSM causes Road Rage.

The Shoulder Driver - This is a rarity but it's enough to cause you to get out of your car and shake your fist in defiance. This person, seeing that traffic has stopped, pulls onto the shoulder of the road and bypasses everyone. The Shoulder driver makes the LSM say things that would embarrass his mother. Usually when I see a Shoulder Driver, I pray that there is a police officer around the corner that will pull him. Oddly enough it's actually happened twice. I'm guessing that's not the worst thing you can pray for.

Yesterday I saw the first three and luckily I held in my Road Rage.

My question to you is:

Which type are you?  Drop a comment below!


  1. Hey man, I'm a hardcore last second merger! Most places have signs that say "Use Both Lanes to Merge Point" It's a way of life, and I'll admit that it's not for all of us, but for some....

  2. Statistically, the JERKFACE is correct. (Sorry, but it's true). You should use both lanes as long as possible to keep the traffic flowing at the highest speed possible. However, if it is any consolation, I do NOT support the Shoulder Driver.

  3. Haha I guess I don't have as much of an issue with the idea of the last second merger, I have issue with the execution of the merge. 90mph followed by slamming on the breaks and instantly pulling your front corner in front of the closest car. And most of the time no 'thank you' wave. Yeah, the wave is important!