There comes a time in every man's life when he finds himself doing something that he never thought he'd do. He says thing that he would never say.
Things like: "Let's go Potty"
Potty training has terrified me since the day Kate was born. There was nothing that made me look forward to trying to teach our children to use the potty. (see even saying the word potty sounds weird to me, yet here I am)
Mollie's mom bought Kate a potty (really that word just annoys me) and we've been testing it out with Kate. Not really going all out with potty training, but just giving it a try to see what's what. So it's been sitting in the kid's bathroom and whenever we go to take a bath we'll put Kate on the potty and start talking her through stuff. That's where the absurdity begins.
One night last week we decided to try it out. I give the kids baths and so I was filling the tub up for Kate while Mollie was tending to Drew. Mollie got Kate ready for her bath and put her on potty. Then she said this:
"Do you need me to stay?"
"No you go ahead, me and Kate are going to take care of things here"
Why haven't I learned that when my wife asks if she needs to stay...the answer is ALWAYS YES?!?!?!
Molls leaves and and Kate and I are hanging out and chatting. A little time passes and I check on the bath water. It's starting to get where it needs to be when I stick my hand in it to double check the temp. It was way too hot. Hmmmm. I had to fix this. I turned the cold water on and then began to swirl the water around to even out the temperature.
Apparently, I was swirling the water a little to hard because I felt it splashing on my leg....or so I thought.
When I begin to focus on the bath I took my eyes off of Kate. She saw me leaning over teh side of the bathtub and doing something. She wanted to know what that something was. So she stood up, climbed up next to the tub and peered in.
It was then that she went to the potty. Right then. Right there. Right on my leg.
This should be a good time to mention that I hate the smell of urine. I hate taking out the diaper trash every week because it smells that way....ugh. just thinking about it makes me gag. So it's no surprise that the first thing that I did was scream.
"AHHHHHH KATE!" I picked her up and placed her on the potty while she stared at me stunned. She finished up on the potty.
"Mollie! I need you in here." That phrase was more painful to say given my earlier response.
Mollie came in and immediately got excited for Kate. "Way to go Kate!......What's wrong with you" is the response that I got.
"She peed on me!" This is where I might have had some unrealistic expectations of my wife. I expected some..."oh dear, I'm really sorry! How can I help you out?"
What I got was...."HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
In fact that's what I got for the rest of the day. I love that my wife can laugh at the crazy times in life.
Later I sat and chuckled about the crazy first potty experience....little did I know that it would pale in comparison to my 2nd potty training experience....that was traumatizing for me AND kate. But that's another story for another time.
Jon
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
I Make Fun of Christians
There's a point in time where God has to teach you a lesson. A time when you think that life is going fine but really underneath there's trouble brewing. This happened to me this past Wednesday night.
On my way home from church I stopped at a Walgreens. If you remember my car has a little oil leak problem. Whenever my oil light comes on I have to stop and put oil in my car. The beacon of efficiency I am not. This happened Wed night after church. I stopped to grab some oil and fill up my car.
As I walked into the store there was a couple near the register having intense conversation. I'm not sure why they were so intently talking. The wife was really excited and telling the husband to grab some more of something.
I walked to the back and picked up the oil. By the time I got back up front there was a line 8 people deep. Now ordinarily that's not terrible, but after 7 pm apparently drugstores run a lot like DMVs. IT was taking forever! You know how I get around slow people in line!
I lean out of the line and glance to the front. Guess who's there. Yep, captain eager shopper and her husband. I rolled my eyes and glanced at the counter to see what they got that was taking so long.
What I saw blew my mind. 15 cans of refried beans and 20 bottles of salad dressing.
Really.
Immediately I started laughing on the inside. I don't laugh at people outwardly in public because that's not what Jesus would do. Here's what I was thinking.
"Geez, how many refriend beans does one person need? Perhaps I should pick up some toilet paper for them?"
"Wow, they could bathe in that much salad dressing....that's disturbing."
" What food can you make with beans and salad dressing? These two people are the strangest people I've ever met. I think I will have a hefty laugh at them internally. But not outwardly, that's not what Jesus would do"
I actually let out a little chuckle thinking through these thoughts. Then God dropped a bomb on me. As I got closer to the register, the cashier ringing the couple up looks at the other cashier and says this:
" Did you hear that? These two are buying all of this food to fill a food pantry."
There's a moment when you are so ashamed after you hear something like that. You automatically try to believe that they said something else.
"There buying this food to build a monument to Tom Landry?" That's weird. Or it would have been if the cashier didn't repeat himself.
They are buying this food to fill a food pantry. Ouch.
20 seconds before I was making fun of them. I was making fun of them and they were only thinking about feeding the poor. But it got worse.
The woman continued on..."Our church has a food pantry and at prices like these people can get food for cheaper than going to the food bank."
OUCH.
I hung my head as I paid for my oil and headed past the couple who was still paying. These people were doing EXACTLY what Jesus had asked of us and I was making fun of them in my head.
I was being convicted of my dumbness as I walked to my car. God reminded me that laughter was good but that laughing at the expense of someone serving him was probably not the best way to spend my night.
But in a way that God can only do, He had one more lesson in him.
I lifted the hood of my car and began to poor the oil into the engine. I heard the couple come out and head to their car. As I poured oil into my engine I see a figure coming over. It was the husband of this couple.
"Hey man, you need any help?"
This guy was the real deal. It's amazing the people you run into that inspire you to be a better Christian. These two people are definitely on that list. The crazy thing is that I never got their name.
God used them, salad dressing, and refried beans to teach me a lesson.
A lesson that I hope I don't soon forget.
Jon
On my way home from church I stopped at a Walgreens. If you remember my car has a little oil leak problem. Whenever my oil light comes on I have to stop and put oil in my car. The beacon of efficiency I am not. This happened Wed night after church. I stopped to grab some oil and fill up my car.
As I walked into the store there was a couple near the register having intense conversation. I'm not sure why they were so intently talking. The wife was really excited and telling the husband to grab some more of something.
I walked to the back and picked up the oil. By the time I got back up front there was a line 8 people deep. Now ordinarily that's not terrible, but after 7 pm apparently drugstores run a lot like DMVs. IT was taking forever! You know how I get around slow people in line!
I lean out of the line and glance to the front. Guess who's there. Yep, captain eager shopper and her husband. I rolled my eyes and glanced at the counter to see what they got that was taking so long.
What I saw blew my mind. 15 cans of refried beans and 20 bottles of salad dressing.
Really.
Immediately I started laughing on the inside. I don't laugh at people outwardly in public because that's not what Jesus would do. Here's what I was thinking.
"Geez, how many refriend beans does one person need? Perhaps I should pick up some toilet paper for them?"
"Wow, they could bathe in that much salad dressing....that's disturbing."
" What food can you make with beans and salad dressing? These two people are the strangest people I've ever met. I think I will have a hefty laugh at them internally. But not outwardly, that's not what Jesus would do"
I actually let out a little chuckle thinking through these thoughts. Then God dropped a bomb on me. As I got closer to the register, the cashier ringing the couple up looks at the other cashier and says this:
" Did you hear that? These two are buying all of this food to fill a food pantry."
There's a moment when you are so ashamed after you hear something like that. You automatically try to believe that they said something else.
"There buying this food to build a monument to Tom Landry?" That's weird. Or it would have been if the cashier didn't repeat himself.
They are buying this food to fill a food pantry. Ouch.
20 seconds before I was making fun of them. I was making fun of them and they were only thinking about feeding the poor. But it got worse.
The woman continued on..."Our church has a food pantry and at prices like these people can get food for cheaper than going to the food bank."
OUCH.
I hung my head as I paid for my oil and headed past the couple who was still paying. These people were doing EXACTLY what Jesus had asked of us and I was making fun of them in my head.
I was being convicted of my dumbness as I walked to my car. God reminded me that laughter was good but that laughing at the expense of someone serving him was probably not the best way to spend my night.
But in a way that God can only do, He had one more lesson in him.
I lifted the hood of my car and began to poor the oil into the engine. I heard the couple come out and head to their car. As I poured oil into my engine I see a figure coming over. It was the husband of this couple.
"Hey man, you need any help?"
This guy was the real deal. It's amazing the people you run into that inspire you to be a better Christian. These two people are definitely on that list. The crazy thing is that I never got their name.
God used them, salad dressing, and refried beans to teach me a lesson.
A lesson that I hope I don't soon forget.
Jon
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